Had I been my stubborn self, I will not be here in front of you, testifying on God’s love and faithfulness.
Before I go further, I have two questions for you:
First, what do you think was the toughest subject of the Bar for me? Taxation? You’ll see.
Second, how did I become a lawyer? I will give you the tips as I go through my testimony.
As cliché as it may sound, I am just your average law student. But I have learned from church that we should be excellent in everything we do because we are serving an excellent God. I took this matter seriously which is the reason why I’m crying most of the time, either literally or figuratively, but always by myself. I would always feel guilty whenever I can’t make myself sit still and read for one straight hour or more, just like the others.
Then God would give me these two verses every now and then:
Matthew 19:26 “With God, all things are possible.”
Luke 1:37 “For nothing is impossible with God.”
I just relied on God’s faithfulness. Gradually, God transformed my heart and with it, the way I pray. My prayer was changed from “Papa, I want to pass the Bar” to “Papa, you know that I want to be a lawyer. I want to pass the Bar on my first take. But if it’s not your will, let your will be done.” From June 2009 onwards, I felt so much peace during those difficult times. I remember forcing myself to feel nervous in mid-July after speaking to a friend who told me that I’m the only barrister he knew who is not panicky. When I returned to my room to read, I did feel that way. And I can’t understand what I’m reading. Then God lovingly assured me that that is the reason why He is giving me peace. I am going through this at my own pace, in my own style, in my own time and through His grace.
Fast forward to the Bar Month. This is how I survived September 2009. I would wake up at 3:00 am on Sundays. I would do my quiet time with God by reading the Bible and my devotional. As my roommates were in the school’s hotel operations, I am left alone in our room. The Bar literally brought me to my knees. During those Sundays, I cried as much as I want. I poured out to God all my fears and anxiousness and surrendered my insufficiencies. Here, two powerful Bible verses gave me renewed spirit:
2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”
Then I would be fine. Every time I would leave our dorm on Sundays at 5:30am, each step I made towards La Salle was a courageous one because I have this Bible verse in my heart: “The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.” Exodus 14:14
Through God’s grace, I hurdled the four (or five) Sundays. Let me read to you some of my entries in my Journal last 26 March 2010, the day the Bar results were released. I was at the Church’s Soularium when I wrote these and these sum up the whole bar and waiting time after the exams:
“I know that the battle of the Bar is already won even before that First Sunday. That’s what I held on to. And maybe that’s one of the reasons why I had so much peace from that time until now. The battle is Papa’s. I only have to be IN it. I did not depend on my own strength. I lasted through the whole battle because of Papa’s grace. And if I pass the Bar today, I know that it is only because of His grace and will, not my efforts and sacrifice, not my intellect and strength.
“I am here at the Soularium not to pray for passing the Bar. That would be too self-serving and unfair to Papa. I’m here to seek peace and be one with Papa. I’m also here to pray that if ever I’ll be a lawyer today, that I will not be lost and continue to courageously live for His glory. If it’s the opposite, I’m praying for peace, strength and wisdom to accept God’s will for me.
“Besides, there will be more battles after this - battles, which require more faith, strength and courage. I remember what Pastor Nixon and Atty. Salumbides shared during our send-off service last year: ‘The Bar is nothing but a tool. After passing the Bar, there you will face the real challenges and battles.’ That increased my courage before the first Sunday. And I kept that in my heart since then.”
I was also at the Supreme Court when the Bar results were released. At first, I didn’t want to go there but God impressed on me that He wanted me to be there. Believe me, the excitement mixed with nervousness was unbelievable but incomparable to seeing your name being flashed on the screen. God made me experience that amazing feeling, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity wherein He delivered the good news to me first hand.
And why did I mention my stubbornness at the beginning of my testimony?
You see, I wasn’t able to do second readings for my review. Truth is, I was still doing my first readings on Rem and Crim during their respective pre-weeks. And in spite of not being able to go back to Labor since I finished it last March, I attended the send-off service last year. I was seated to one of those seats you are occupying now. I was then torn between attending the send-off service and doing some last minute readings. In the end, Papa impressed on my heart that I should attend. And so I did. Honestly, I have no regrets even though I sacrificed a few hours to attend the send-off service instead of reviewing for Labor. The send-off service was such a blessing to me.
During my Labor Exam, I was fumbling as I struggled to find answers to the questions. I reached the last question of the second set of exam but to no avail. I was already crying inside. I was so lost. To tell you the truth, I almost walked out of the room and give up on the Bar. “I have next year, after all,” I thought to myself. But God gave me peace. He impressed on me that I should finish the battle. That was enough to prevent me from walking out of our room. Believe me, I really don’t know how I was able to go through that but then you see, God delivered His promise. Had I been stubborn and continued my plan to walk out of the room, if I just relied on my own intellect and did not listen to God, I will not be here in front of you testifying on God’s love and faithfulness. Now, that answers my first question. It was Labor which I found most difficult and made me almost quit the Bar.
And what’s my answer to the second question? How did I become a lawyer? It’s simple. I am a lawyer because of God’s grace.
TO GOD BE THE GLORY!
